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Jesus to Delay Return Due to Ungodly-High Gas Prices

THE VILLAGES, FL -- Despite the usual signs and the insistence of End Times theologians, Jesus of Nazareth indicated today that He will not,...

Air Force Seeks $500 Billion Appropriation to Improve Drones by Adding Onboard Crew

WASHINGTON, DC -- In testimony yesterday before the Senate Armed Services committee, Chief of Staff Lt. Gen. Burleigh "Buster" Holeflapp detailed the sort of...

Japanese Pixelated Porn Blamed for Population Decline Cited in Musk Tweet

TOKYO, JAPAN -- An ongoing decline in Japan's population was spotlighted by an alarmist Elon Musk tweet today. Tesla CEO Musk, in typically provocative...

Putin Vows to Stop Nazis at Stalingrad

MOSCOW, RUSSIA -- In keeping with his promise to "de-Nazify" Ukraine, Russian strongman Vladimir Putin today turned his attentions a bit farther east. In a...

Fed to Raise Rates, Soften Increase by Offering Free Oil Changes

The Federal Open Market Committee of the Federal Reserve Board is set to announce short-term policy at its quarterly meeting tomorrow, but the Post-Industrial...

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